My God is Bigger!!

A little over a week ago we had a Wednesday night prayer meeting at our church. It was amazing. One of those rare, fleeting moments where God is right there. You can feel Him all around, His spirit at work. We were singing a song, 'Jesus your all I need.' And the first time through that refrain, as I sung those words, He whispered softly to me, 'Really?'

Sure! Of course!

No...
If I'm honest,.. No.

I need food. I need shelter. I need to pay my bills and buy diapers for my kids. I need friendship and love. I need security. I need my debt to be gone and my income to match my expenses. I need a college fund for my kids so they don't end up in debt for school like I am. I need a retirement fund.

'No,' He said. 'I am all you need.'

But, I MUST focus on these things! I have to feed my kids and keep them clothed and cared for, and I need to pay my bills!

Here's the thing, if Jesus is truly all we need, then we are trusting Him for all those things. Sure we need to work and take care of our children, but with the understanding that if it isn't enough, it doesn't matter. Jesus is all we truly need! If I can't pay my bills (which happens) and my kids have no diapers (which thankfully hasn't happened yet) and I have no food (that's happened too) God provides! He always has. I have been without food, but never gone hungry. I have been without clothes and always had something to wear. I have had no money for rent and never spent a night without a roof over my head. God is faithful to His word, and His word says this:

Do Not Worry25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.Matthew 6:25-34

God laid a question on my heart that night and another this evening. So all I want to do is pass those questions on to you and ask that you earnestly take them to heart. The first is this:

'What could we (the church) accomplish if Jesus was really all we need?'

Imagine the power we would walk in if our full attention was His, trusting He would provide the rest, seeking first the Kingdom of God.

And today He is asking me this:

'How big is your God?'

I know people struggling with illness, financial difficulties. I have friends and relatives battling cancer. My neighbor on the left has no kidneys and can't get a transplant. My neighbor on the right just found out her husband has cancer and has been told he has less than a year to live. How big is your God!? I want to scream it from the rooftops. HOW BIG IS MY GOD!? Is he bigger than debt? Is he bigger than illness? Is he bigger than the troubles of this world?

The answer is a resounding 'Yes!' My God is bigger!!

Do This and You Will Live

Here's the thing, I'm not writing this to create conflict. My personality flees from confrontation. I'm the person who will let the person behind me kick my seat and say nothing because it's not worth the conflict and I can suffer the inconvenience. So why God called me of all people to the gifts he did, I can not fathom. He's given me the gifts of wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and prophesy. And I have been sitting on them for years, because all those things, when used, have the potential to create confrontation. And that's the last thing in the world I want.

As a matter of fact, about eight years ago God gave me a prophetic word for someone, and it blew up in my face. They scolded me, saying if God had a word He would give it to someone older and wiser who had been saved for thirty years, not some kid. It shattered my confidence, and I have spent nearly a decade hiding from my gifts as a result. I questioned myself. I questioned God. But I've come to realize that my decision to hide my gifts forced me into disobedience, running like Jonah as far and fast as I could the other way. It's also a disservice to the church. The body of Christ is meant to function with all its parts, and I have been a dead limb, along for the ride. So I'm making a very hard decision today to operate in the gifts God has given me, but eventually, you have to get out of the whale and head to Nineveh or stay in disobedience. I'm older now, and wiser. Most importantly, I'm confident - not in myself, but in my God. I believe he can use me - even small, young me who flees at the slightest anticipation of conflict.

With that said, God has been speaking to me about the state of the church as a whole. This is certainly not a reflection of all churches or everyone in the church, but it has me angry. Mostly, it breaks my heart. And I feel it's something that has to be addressed. There's a very American idea that has seeped into the church about success and wealth. (It's important to keep those things separate, by the way. The American Dream is not the same thing as Biblical success.) I'm sure you have heard the phrase 'God helps those who help themselves.' Well, not only is that not in the scriptures, it's in direct opposition to the scriptures. God helps the helpless, the broken. His heart is for the widow, the orphan, the broken and the needy. Let's look at a few of my favorite scriptures, starting with Isaiah 1:16-17. You can read the whole chapter for context if you want. God is rebuking Judah and Jerusalem for their evil ways, and He gets to the end and tells them to repent and do what is right. But what is right?

16 “Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean;Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes.Cease to do evil,17 Learn to do good;Seek justice,Rebuke the oppressor;Defend the fatherless,Plead for the widow.

Seek justice. Rebuke the oppressor. Defend the fatherless. Plead for the widow. That's how you learn to do good.

And in Matthew 25:31-46 we see a picture of the end times, God separating out His children from those who are not His children. By what criteria does He divide them? Tithe? How much they read their Bibles? Did they go to church? No. He looks at one thing and one thing only. How did they treat the poor, the sick, the broken and the needy? Did they feed the hungry? Did they clothe the naked? Did they visit the sick and the prisoner? That is the ONLY thing He looks at. That says something about how important our treatment of those people is to God.

And lastly, I urge you to read Luke 10:25-37. You're probably familiar with it. The story of the good Samaritan. Jesus prefaces the parable with this:

25 And behold, a certain lawyer stood up and tested Him, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 He said to him, “What is written in the law? What is your reading of it?”
27 So he answered and said, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,' and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’”
28 And He said to him, “You have answered rightly; do this and you will live.”
29 But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

He goes on to tell the parable of the Good Samaritan, saying anyone you see with a need is your neighbor. If you are close enough to see and know they have a need, you are obligated to love them and do what you can. This story is not just a nice way to live or something we should strive for. It's Jesus' answer to 'What shall I do to inherit eternal life?' Jesus says, "Do this and you will live." 

So, loving God is half the equation, but only half. The treatment of the beaten man on the road determines whether or not you go to heaven, whether of not you ARE a Christian, not just the kind of Christian you are. In Matthew, whether or not God ushered them into heaven or said 'Depart from me,' was decided ENTIRELY on their treatment of the poor, broken, and needy. Think on that for a while.

If this post bothers you, I make no apologies. Either it doesn't apply to you, and you can take it as encouragement that you are doing things right, or it convicts you, and that's between you and God. Whether it encourages or convicts, take it as a challenge. That's what I'm doing. The next time God puts a need in your path, remember these scriptures. I'm aware there is a gift of mercy, and maybe you don't have it, but I'm not talking about the gift of mercy. I have that, and it's a totally different thing. It's not an excuse to turn a blind eye, saying 'That's not my calling.' I think these scriptures are pretty clear, and I for one don't want to reach the end of my days and hear this:

1 “Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink;43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’

Waiting

Here's something different today. An excerpt from a story I hope to some day write when I have the time. Enjoy!

    As I approached the lake, I saw a man, withered with age. He was sitting on a bench, watching the water churn, leaning forward under the weight of his years. Never had I seen such a sad creature in all my travels, and I felt compelled to speak with him. At first I sat, and a heaviness was upon me. I looked out across the water and saw there what his gaze held. A castle, many spired, glorious in all its grandeur. This was the first I had seen of it, and it made my heart soar.

   For a moment.

   But then the heaviness settled in again, and I looked over at a wrinkled face, aged by the sun, and deep, sad eyes. He didn't look at me. Not even for a moment did his gaze leave that beautiful sight. His breaths came slow and heavy, and I felt an expectancy.

   “Where are you going?” I asked, though it seemed an odd question.

   “There,” he said with a slight smile and a nod to the castle. “But how did you know I was going someplace?”

   I shrugged. “You look as though you are waiting to leave.”

   Again he nodded, but his face fell into a grimace.

   “Do you know about the ferry?” he asked.

   “I don't.”

   He raised an old arm, and I saw how it shook with the effort, as if it had not been lifted in many years, and he pointed across the water.

   “At the end it comes to take us to the castle.”

   I understood. It was almost his time. He would go there, to that beautiful palace, to be with our king, the one I sought. Of all the stories I had heard of his love for his people, his benevolence, I too longed to meet him.

   “I will go soon,” he said, a smile creeping over his face.

   “I'm going to meet him too,” I said, my joy overwhelming. I could hear it in my voice, see it in my reflection, the un-containable smile.

   “Oh,” he said softly, patting my arm with his aged hand. “Wait with me?”

   “Until you go?”

   At last he turned his eyes on me, and they were hollow. Something in them was missing. Some fire that had once burned.

   “How long?” I mumbled, fighting fear as I spat the words out, “How long have you waited?”

   “Fifty years,” he said calmly.

   My heart sank.

   “If you stay, the ferry will come for you,” he continued.

   “I-I'm taking the long road,” I stammered, “Around the lake.”

   He shook his head, “It's a hard road. You will suffer much.”

   Suddenly he pushed himself forward, and I could see he was trying to stand. Again, I felt compelled, and I helped him up, pulling with all my strength, and we hobbled to the shore. He dipped his feet in the water, cool and clear, and I could see his strength returning.

   “Do you see it!?” he cried.

   I gazed across the water, and I heard, like a fading memory, the sound of a whistle, but I saw nothing.

   “The ferry comes! It's coming at last!”

   His face erupted into joy, and my heart grew light, I saw him skip off into the water, and then he was gone, vanished into the mist.

   Suddenly the dark of the twilit evening enveloped me, and the heaviness sunk in once more. He was not wrong. My journey was hard, and it would be nice to rest, to wait for this ferry. I fell to my knees on the sand and I wept as the cold water licked at my thighs like icy tongues. I wept until I felt I could breathe no more, and then I saw a light, and I gazed up. There beside me was the Messenger, holding a lantern, peering out over the lake.

   “Why do you weep?” he asked.

   “My road is hard,” I replied. “And my strength is spent.”

   “And you wish to wait?”

   I nodded.

   “If you do, the ferry will come for you.”

   I thought of that man, skipping off into the water, the mirth and lightness of his soul. The Messenger held out a hand to me, and I took it, and standing, I walked to the bench.

   “It will take me to the castle?”

   “Yes,” he said softly, but there was great sadness in his voice.

   “He said he waited fifty years.”

   He nodded.

   Without another word, he let my hand go, and he began to turn.

   “Wait!” I cried. “He told me I would suffer on the long road. Did he avoid the pain by sitting here?”

   “Some.”

   I steeled my resolve, looking back at the lonely bench, the years of emptiness I would endure sitting on it.

   “But he still suffered?” I asked.

   “Much. Life is never without pain.”

   He was leaving now, I could sense it without looking at him. He was heading to the road. I had one last chance, for a single question burned in my mind.

   “What did he miss?” I asked.

   He turned with a gentle smile. I had asked the right question.

Being a Mom

I've been thinking a lot lately about being a mom. Life with children is a crazy mess of stress, worry and immeasurable joy, and sometimes it's overwhelming. One day, I'm super mom, getting three hours of sleep and still managing to keep up with my one and two year olds, put together a beautiful home cooked meal, and function into the wee hours of the night when my one year old won't sleep. Other days, I'm irritable and frustrated, and feel like it's so hard to even climb out of bed, and I lose my temper and feel like I'm doing it all wrong. My conversations are mostly one-sided and involve poop, cheese and the myriad of shows on Disney Junior; and 'me time' is a thing of the past.

So what is 'being a mom'? What does it mean, and am I doing it right? I don't think there's any one, perfect answer to this question, and there is certainly no simple answer. So here's what I think:

Being a mom is hugs and snuggles. It's tantrums and discipline. It's holding a sick child at 3 a.m. It's fighting through the exhaustion and trying to cherish every moment when you really just want to survive the day. It's pat-a-cake and the itsy, bitsy spider. It's scrapes and bruises. It's giggles and wide-eyed wonder. It's first steps and first words. It's staying up all night with your one year old who apparently only needs two hours of sleep. It's rocking your two and a half year old to sleep, teary eyed because you thought you would never get to rock him to sleep again. It's the unspeakable joy of watching your children play together - a dirty-faced, wild-haired mess of laughter. It's worry; and it's faith. It's sacrifice and love. It's learning to adjust to the stress and responsibility of caring for a little life (or two). It's learning how to trust God in a whole new way. It's bittersweet, and it's beautiful.

It's amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

In the end, what's important is that I love them, and I teach them to love God. Will I fail? At times. After all, I'm human. But there's grace. And with God's help, I'll be the best mom I can be.

3 John 4(NKJV)4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth

His Promises are Sure

Well, I believe I promised you an encouraging post about God's faithfulness. I think I'm starting to realize just how important it is to encourage one another through testimonies of what God has done. Don't get me wrong, I'm always a fan of being there to encourage someone who is having a difficult time through kind words and deeds, through offering a shoulder or a hug, but I've always been afraid that sharing something marvelous that God has done in my life would just rub salt in the wound. But maybe not. Maybe we need to be vocal about the miracles God does in our lives, so those holding on to a promise will continue to hold on. So here goes.

I'm going to tell you a little bit about my beautiful, wild little boy. He was my first child, so I didn't know what to expect, but I have a lot of mommy friends who have children around the same age, so there's plenty of opportunity for comparison. Terrible, right? We all know you never compare your children to others, but let's be honest, it's nearly impossible, especially when everyone shares every milestone on social media. I watched with horror - you read that right, horror - as their children began to speak and dance and grow. I was horrified for one reason: my child wasn't. He learned a few words, then around the time his sister was born - he was eighteen months - things changed. He wouldn't speak. He wouldn't look at us. He had no interest in playing with other children, or even acknowledging they existed. He resented his sister taking his mommy away. It was the darkest, hardest season I have ever endured.

So here I was, watching, waiting, wondering. I started to fear the worst, and I spent countless nights curled up in my husband's arms, sobbing as my little boy played by himself in the corner. I couldn't coax him over to play with me. I couldn't force him to make eye contact no matter what I did. Then God placed someone in my path who told me about a program in our state to help children with delays. So I contacted them, and they scheduled an evaluation. And we waited. It was almost a month before they finally came out to see him. He was well over two at this point, and he hadn't spoken a single word in a couple months.

At this point, you're probably wondering how this post is in any way encouraging. We're getting there, I promise. I needed you to know the whole story to truly understand what God has done.

So they did the evaluation, and I sat down to hear what they had to say. And all my worst fears were realized, the countless nights I had wept, afraid of what was wrong. Autism, she said. Of course, I had said it myself, and it had crushed me to the very core of my being, and I would sob endlessly, but in that moment, when she spoke the word, God showed me something. It was going to be okay. If all my worst fears were realized, this little boy would still have my whole heart. My love for him would be no less, and he would be no less amazing. Because, you see, God doesn't make mistakes. He brought to my mind a scripture. Psalms 139:14:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

And if the story had ended here, it would have been a happy one. I felt peace. I knew I had this fantastic kid and I loved him, and God loved Him. He was fearfully and wonderfully made.

But the story didn't end here.

That night, I laid in bed, and I heard God speak a promise to me. It was clear and direct, no mistaking what He was saying. It was just two words. Rebuke Autism.

I know this should have been a wonderful moment. In those two words, God was promising me that my little boy would be healed, that the God that created Him would reach down and touch his mind and make him whole. But I had made peace. I was comfortable with the way things were, and I knew a promise also meant a battle. There was a call to action in that promise. He didn't say Autism is gone, He told me to rebuke it, meaning I needed to fight for the promise God gave me. And I knew it wouldn't be easy. Battles never are.

So for months I prayed. I held him as he slept and I spoke things over him through a stream of tears. I held on to that promise. There were moments where I had to go to my husband and implore him to pray because my faith wasn't as strong as it should be. When my faith really began to falter, I asked my pastors to pray over him. I used the people God had put in my life to help me fight. I think that's important to note!

Just over a week ago, on a Tuesday afternoon, my little two and a half year old boy ran up to me, looked me straight in the eye, and said 'I love you'. And with bleary eyes, I said 'I love you, too!' And he smiled the most beautiful smile I have ever seen and then crawled up beside me on the couch to snuggle. And in that moment, I knew the war was won. The battles aren't over, and I will keep fighting, because the enemy will always try to steal the promises God gives us, but the war is won!

Maybe you've been holding on to a promise from God for months, years, maybe even decades. Well, be encouraged! No matter how long it takes, God's promises do not fail! And if you need a little help holding on to that promise, find someone who will pray with you, who will stand beside you and fight. I would be more than happy to stand with you! And for those of you who have seen God's promises fulfilled, testify of his faithfulness! Tell your stories, because sometimes we need to be encouraged, reminded that God is faithful. We need to hear what God has done for you!

         Psalm 145:13(NIV)

 13Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
    and your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises
    and faithful in all he does

2 Corinthians 1:20(NKJV)

20 For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.

Joshua 23:14(NIV)

14 “Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.

Whom shall I fear?

It's been a long time coming, but I finally decided to start that blog. I had my first post all planned, a happy, encouraging one about God's faithfulness. But that's not what I'm going to post about today. Don't worry, that post is coming, but this isn't it.

So what changed my mind? I'll tell you. Today, I'm angry. Maybe angry isn't quite the right word. I'm disappointed, heartbroken, outraged. With everything that's going on with ISIS and the attacks on Paris, it's easy to understand. The attacks on France were a tragedy, and I feel overwhelmed with sadness for the people affected, but my anger isn't directed where you would think. I'm not angry at the people who did these things. I'm not angry at God for letting them happen. I'm not even angry at the devil for the evil he stirs up. No. I'm angry at the church.

I've seen several posts today on social media about why America should close its borders and not allow Syrian refugees in, why Obama has failed us all, and how, if he continues to fail, our country is doomed.

Our country...

Here's my first problem. I'm so grateful to live in this country, to enjoy the freedoms I have. I owe a debt I can never repay to every man and woman who has sacrificed so much, sometimes their lives, to protect me and my family, to ensure that freedom. But, and this is where I will lose some of you, my primary allegiance is to the kingdom of God, and they are NOT the same thing. Not even close.

Why don't you want Syrian refugees to come to our country? Because terrorists may come with them. Yes. They likely will. So we need our president to say 'no' to refugees, to protect us. We need our country to take a stand against evil, right?

This past Sunday, my pastor had another perfectly timed word from God. He preached about the demon possessed man in Mark chapter 5. It goes something like this:

1 They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. 2 When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an impure spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3 This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain. 4 For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

And I can hear the people in the town crying, "Kill him! Don't let him live in those tombs right by our town! What if he comes into the town in the night and kills our children?"

I found myself wondering who it was who went out and chained him. My guess is the leaders of the town, because of the cries of the people. It was their duty to protect their town, right? But what did they really accomplish? The chains held the man, and everyone was safe for all time, right?

Oh, wait, I just read it again. It said the chains could NOT hold him. "NO ONE was strong enough to subdue him." And I ask myself, who is strong enough to subdue ISIS? Who is strong enough to subdue the shooters across America? Is the answer what most people think: Give us guns and send away the refugees? Of course that isn't the answer. "No one was strong enough to hold him." So let's read more:

6 When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7 He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In God’s name don’t torture me!” 8 For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you impure spirit!”

My pastor said it best, so I'll steal from him. He said, we are called to do as Jesus did, to deal with the people who no one else will go near. To heal the leper, to touch the unclean, to love the unlovable. Everyone in town fled from this man, but Jesus knew the power of the Most High God was in Him, and He had nothing to fear, because the power in Him was greater than the power in that man. So he went toward this man. He didn't run away. And this is how it ended:

15 When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons,sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid.

So, Jesus healed the man and the whole town rose up in a great cheer and put on a parade in Jesus' honor. Oh, wrong again. Jesus restored this man to his right mind, dealt with the threat that no one else could. saved a life no one else cared to save, and they were still afraid? So wait, nothing changed? Now, instead of fearing the power of this man, they feared the power of Jesus? 

If I'm reading this right, the kind of people who cry out for the man to be sent away and killed will live in fear their entire lives, because even when one threat is finally dealt with, another will take its place. The lost will always be afraid, because there is so much to fear. But what have we to fear?

Psalm 27

Of David.

1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked advance against me
    to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
    who will stumble and fall.

The way I see it, our faith and our patriotism are at a crossroads right now. Do we do what is best for our country and turn those refugees away? Do we protect our people, our families, our children? Do we put our faith in the military, in the right to bear arms, in our leaders?

Or do we open our arms and our hearts as God has called us to do? Do we walk toward the violent, broken people of this world. Do we stand in the face of evil and say 'My God is bigger!' Maybe common sense says we take care of our own nation, fight for our freedom, our safety. But as for me? I am not afraid. Let the refugees come. Let them live in my state, in my city, in my neighborhood. Let them move in next door, and open an opportunity, Lord, for me to reach the unreachable, to love the broken, to speak in power and see lives healed, demons flee in the name of Jesus! My allegiance is to the kingdom of God above all else, and my duty is to love with an open heart and open arms, trusting my God for the rest.

So stop! Stop crying out to the government to save you! Stop reaching for your guns and locking your doors tight! All this fear says one thing, your God isn't big enough. His power is insufficient. Why else would you flee? Why else would you tremble in the face of evil? So stand, people of God! Be so full of the Spirit of God that the demons tremble. Walk toward the darkness, and command it to flee. Live by faith, as we are called to do. If you don't know how, or feel you aren't there yet, then find someone who is there and learn from them. Read the word of God, fast, pray, do whatever it takes, because this is a war, but not against flesh and blood, and we are, each of us, soldiers. So take up your sword and shield and stand! Because "No one is strong enough to subdue him." But the power of God is more than enough. Because the government will not save us. Jesus came to save us. Because the power in us is the ONLY thing that will change this world, that will save the lost, the broken, the violent, the lonely, the hurting. We are the only ones with the answer.