Being a Mom

I've been thinking a lot lately about being a mom. Life with children is a crazy mess of stress, worry and immeasurable joy, and sometimes it's overwhelming. One day, I'm super mom, getting three hours of sleep and still managing to keep up with my one and two year olds, put together a beautiful home cooked meal, and function into the wee hours of the night when my one year old won't sleep. Other days, I'm irritable and frustrated, and feel like it's so hard to even climb out of bed, and I lose my temper and feel like I'm doing it all wrong. My conversations are mostly one-sided and involve poop, cheese and the myriad of shows on Disney Junior; and 'me time' is a thing of the past.

So what is 'being a mom'? What does it mean, and am I doing it right? I don't think there's any one, perfect answer to this question, and there is certainly no simple answer. So here's what I think:

Being a mom is hugs and snuggles. It's tantrums and discipline. It's holding a sick child at 3 a.m. It's fighting through the exhaustion and trying to cherish every moment when you really just want to survive the day. It's pat-a-cake and the itsy, bitsy spider. It's scrapes and bruises. It's giggles and wide-eyed wonder. It's first steps and first words. It's staying up all night with your one year old who apparently only needs two hours of sleep. It's rocking your two and a half year old to sleep, teary eyed because you thought you would never get to rock him to sleep again. It's the unspeakable joy of watching your children play together - a dirty-faced, wild-haired mess of laughter. It's worry; and it's faith. It's sacrifice and love. It's learning to adjust to the stress and responsibility of caring for a little life (or two). It's learning how to trust God in a whole new way. It's bittersweet, and it's beautiful.

It's amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

In the end, what's important is that I love them, and I teach them to love God. Will I fail? At times. After all, I'm human. But there's grace. And with God's help, I'll be the best mom I can be.

3 John 4(NKJV)4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth

His Promises are Sure

Well, I believe I promised you an encouraging post about God's faithfulness. I think I'm starting to realize just how important it is to encourage one another through testimonies of what God has done. Don't get me wrong, I'm always a fan of being there to encourage someone who is having a difficult time through kind words and deeds, through offering a shoulder or a hug, but I've always been afraid that sharing something marvelous that God has done in my life would just rub salt in the wound. But maybe not. Maybe we need to be vocal about the miracles God does in our lives, so those holding on to a promise will continue to hold on. So here goes.

I'm going to tell you a little bit about my beautiful, wild little boy. He was my first child, so I didn't know what to expect, but I have a lot of mommy friends who have children around the same age, so there's plenty of opportunity for comparison. Terrible, right? We all know you never compare your children to others, but let's be honest, it's nearly impossible, especially when everyone shares every milestone on social media. I watched with horror - you read that right, horror - as their children began to speak and dance and grow. I was horrified for one reason: my child wasn't. He learned a few words, then around the time his sister was born - he was eighteen months - things changed. He wouldn't speak. He wouldn't look at us. He had no interest in playing with other children, or even acknowledging they existed. He resented his sister taking his mommy away. It was the darkest, hardest season I have ever endured.

So here I was, watching, waiting, wondering. I started to fear the worst, and I spent countless nights curled up in my husband's arms, sobbing as my little boy played by himself in the corner. I couldn't coax him over to play with me. I couldn't force him to make eye contact no matter what I did. Then God placed someone in my path who told me about a program in our state to help children with delays. So I contacted them, and they scheduled an evaluation. And we waited. It was almost a month before they finally came out to see him. He was well over two at this point, and he hadn't spoken a single word in a couple months.

At this point, you're probably wondering how this post is in any way encouraging. We're getting there, I promise. I needed you to know the whole story to truly understand what God has done.

So they did the evaluation, and I sat down to hear what they had to say. And all my worst fears were realized, the countless nights I had wept, afraid of what was wrong. Autism, she said. Of course, I had said it myself, and it had crushed me to the very core of my being, and I would sob endlessly, but in that moment, when she spoke the word, God showed me something. It was going to be okay. If all my worst fears were realized, this little boy would still have my whole heart. My love for him would be no less, and he would be no less amazing. Because, you see, God doesn't make mistakes. He brought to my mind a scripture. Psalms 139:14:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

And if the story had ended here, it would have been a happy one. I felt peace. I knew I had this fantastic kid and I loved him, and God loved Him. He was fearfully and wonderfully made.

But the story didn't end here.

That night, I laid in bed, and I heard God speak a promise to me. It was clear and direct, no mistaking what He was saying. It was just two words. Rebuke Autism.

I know this should have been a wonderful moment. In those two words, God was promising me that my little boy would be healed, that the God that created Him would reach down and touch his mind and make him whole. But I had made peace. I was comfortable with the way things were, and I knew a promise also meant a battle. There was a call to action in that promise. He didn't say Autism is gone, He told me to rebuke it, meaning I needed to fight for the promise God gave me. And I knew it wouldn't be easy. Battles never are.

So for months I prayed. I held him as he slept and I spoke things over him through a stream of tears. I held on to that promise. There were moments where I had to go to my husband and implore him to pray because my faith wasn't as strong as it should be. When my faith really began to falter, I asked my pastors to pray over him. I used the people God had put in my life to help me fight. I think that's important to note!

Just over a week ago, on a Tuesday afternoon, my little two and a half year old boy ran up to me, looked me straight in the eye, and said 'I love you'. And with bleary eyes, I said 'I love you, too!' And he smiled the most beautiful smile I have ever seen and then crawled up beside me on the couch to snuggle. And in that moment, I knew the war was won. The battles aren't over, and I will keep fighting, because the enemy will always try to steal the promises God gives us, but the war is won!

Maybe you've been holding on to a promise from God for months, years, maybe even decades. Well, be encouraged! No matter how long it takes, God's promises do not fail! And if you need a little help holding on to that promise, find someone who will pray with you, who will stand beside you and fight. I would be more than happy to stand with you! And for those of you who have seen God's promises fulfilled, testify of his faithfulness! Tell your stories, because sometimes we need to be encouraged, reminded that God is faithful. We need to hear what God has done for you!

         Psalm 145:13(NIV)

 13Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
    and your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises
    and faithful in all he does

2 Corinthians 1:20(NKJV)

20 For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.

Joshua 23:14(NIV)

14 “Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.

Whom shall I fear?

It's been a long time coming, but I finally decided to start that blog. I had my first post all planned, a happy, encouraging one about God's faithfulness. But that's not what I'm going to post about today. Don't worry, that post is coming, but this isn't it.

So what changed my mind? I'll tell you. Today, I'm angry. Maybe angry isn't quite the right word. I'm disappointed, heartbroken, outraged. With everything that's going on with ISIS and the attacks on Paris, it's easy to understand. The attacks on France were a tragedy, and I feel overwhelmed with sadness for the people affected, but my anger isn't directed where you would think. I'm not angry at the people who did these things. I'm not angry at God for letting them happen. I'm not even angry at the devil for the evil he stirs up. No. I'm angry at the church.

I've seen several posts today on social media about why America should close its borders and not allow Syrian refugees in, why Obama has failed us all, and how, if he continues to fail, our country is doomed.

Our country...

Here's my first problem. I'm so grateful to live in this country, to enjoy the freedoms I have. I owe a debt I can never repay to every man and woman who has sacrificed so much, sometimes their lives, to protect me and my family, to ensure that freedom. But, and this is where I will lose some of you, my primary allegiance is to the kingdom of God, and they are NOT the same thing. Not even close.

Why don't you want Syrian refugees to come to our country? Because terrorists may come with them. Yes. They likely will. So we need our president to say 'no' to refugees, to protect us. We need our country to take a stand against evil, right?

This past Sunday, my pastor had another perfectly timed word from God. He preached about the demon possessed man in Mark chapter 5. It goes something like this:

1 They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. 2 When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an impure spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3 This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain. 4 For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

And I can hear the people in the town crying, "Kill him! Don't let him live in those tombs right by our town! What if he comes into the town in the night and kills our children?"

I found myself wondering who it was who went out and chained him. My guess is the leaders of the town, because of the cries of the people. It was their duty to protect their town, right? But what did they really accomplish? The chains held the man, and everyone was safe for all time, right?

Oh, wait, I just read it again. It said the chains could NOT hold him. "NO ONE was strong enough to subdue him." And I ask myself, who is strong enough to subdue ISIS? Who is strong enough to subdue the shooters across America? Is the answer what most people think: Give us guns and send away the refugees? Of course that isn't the answer. "No one was strong enough to hold him." So let's read more:

6 When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7 He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In God’s name don’t torture me!” 8 For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you impure spirit!”

My pastor said it best, so I'll steal from him. He said, we are called to do as Jesus did, to deal with the people who no one else will go near. To heal the leper, to touch the unclean, to love the unlovable. Everyone in town fled from this man, but Jesus knew the power of the Most High God was in Him, and He had nothing to fear, because the power in Him was greater than the power in that man. So he went toward this man. He didn't run away. And this is how it ended:

15 When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons,sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid.

So, Jesus healed the man and the whole town rose up in a great cheer and put on a parade in Jesus' honor. Oh, wrong again. Jesus restored this man to his right mind, dealt with the threat that no one else could. saved a life no one else cared to save, and they were still afraid? So wait, nothing changed? Now, instead of fearing the power of this man, they feared the power of Jesus? 

If I'm reading this right, the kind of people who cry out for the man to be sent away and killed will live in fear their entire lives, because even when one threat is finally dealt with, another will take its place. The lost will always be afraid, because there is so much to fear. But what have we to fear?

Psalm 27

Of David.

1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked advance against me
    to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
    who will stumble and fall.

The way I see it, our faith and our patriotism are at a crossroads right now. Do we do what is best for our country and turn those refugees away? Do we protect our people, our families, our children? Do we put our faith in the military, in the right to bear arms, in our leaders?

Or do we open our arms and our hearts as God has called us to do? Do we walk toward the violent, broken people of this world. Do we stand in the face of evil and say 'My God is bigger!' Maybe common sense says we take care of our own nation, fight for our freedom, our safety. But as for me? I am not afraid. Let the refugees come. Let them live in my state, in my city, in my neighborhood. Let them move in next door, and open an opportunity, Lord, for me to reach the unreachable, to love the broken, to speak in power and see lives healed, demons flee in the name of Jesus! My allegiance is to the kingdom of God above all else, and my duty is to love with an open heart and open arms, trusting my God for the rest.

So stop! Stop crying out to the government to save you! Stop reaching for your guns and locking your doors tight! All this fear says one thing, your God isn't big enough. His power is insufficient. Why else would you flee? Why else would you tremble in the face of evil? So stand, people of God! Be so full of the Spirit of God that the demons tremble. Walk toward the darkness, and command it to flee. Live by faith, as we are called to do. If you don't know how, or feel you aren't there yet, then find someone who is there and learn from them. Read the word of God, fast, pray, do whatever it takes, because this is a war, but not against flesh and blood, and we are, each of us, soldiers. So take up your sword and shield and stand! Because "No one is strong enough to subdue him." But the power of God is more than enough. Because the government will not save us. Jesus came to save us. Because the power in us is the ONLY thing that will change this world, that will save the lost, the broken, the violent, the lonely, the hurting. We are the only ones with the answer.